I will die if light touches me.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
