i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
