i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
