Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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