I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize