He disabled his match.com account in front of me
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
