The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
