yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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