it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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