You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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