I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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