i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The best revenge is premature balding
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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