I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
