Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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