I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
