im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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