Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Im part way to drunk.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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