You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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