hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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