woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
