imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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