I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
