THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
