She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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