Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
