Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
