On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
