No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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