Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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