Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
