ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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