dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
