before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
