How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
