OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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