Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
