i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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