rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
