My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
