and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
