I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
