Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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