Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We named our party play list daddy issues
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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