your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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