I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
