There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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