he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
