so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We left an ass print on the piano.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
