I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
