he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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