the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize