I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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