get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
