The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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