How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
it glows. i had to have it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
