i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
