For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
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After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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