party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
