if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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