Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
