I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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