Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
3pm strippers are depressing
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
