i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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