are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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