someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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