You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
