This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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